


Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Vignette, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-12
Updated: 2003-06-12
Packaged: 2019-04-27 06:59:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14420013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: Monica's religion helps her cope with the events of "Audrey Pauley."





	Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes

## Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes

### by Scifinerdgrl

Title: Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes Author: Scifinerdgrl  
Rating: G  
Classification: V  
Keywords: Post-Ep ("Audrey Pauley")  
Summary: Monica's religion helps her cope with the events of "Audrey Pauley." 

Monica Reyes approached her front door, then turned and looked down at her partner, who was standing next to his truck. He was looking up at her, and from her vantage point on the stoop he looked smaller, more vulnerable, and she thought back to her meditation. Was this her answer? 

After the others had left the other-worldly hospital for the Great Void, she found herself alone, more alone than she had ever been. Alone and facing Death. Sitting in a lotus position, she calmed her breathing, or what should have been breathing if she were truly alive, and thought about Stephen's last words: "So many things I'd do differently." Life. He'd do "Life" differently. 

What would I do differently? she asked herself. In the Buddhist philosophy, the next existence would be her chance to fix things. But according to Zen philosophy, most of what she did was meant to be. Which would it be for her? 

She reviewed her life, bravely facing her worst mistakes and humbly acknowledging her wisest decisions, until she came to what would be her last night among the living: the night John Doggett finally seemed to recognize her desire for him. 

It had been the latest of many occasions when she'd lost her resolve, when she'd failed to make the first move with John. Even one tentative kiss would have sent her through that intersection a split second later, sparing her life. Was there meaning in her crash? If she had it to do over, should she make the first move? Or had everything gone according to some greater plan? Without the benefit of hindsight she couldn't decide, and when Audrey Pauley appeared to her and showed her the way back to Life the question remained unanswered. 

When she opened her eyes, John was there, but her first thought was for Audrey's safety, and he rushed off to check on her. Poor, simple-minded Audrey. She had sacrificed herself to save Monica, and Monica felt she owed it to Audrey to make sense of that sacrifice. This would be Monica's next Zen question. 

"He loves you very much," Audrey had said. Had Audrey died for the sake of their love? Had her death and Monica's rebirth given Monica that chance to do things differently with John? Or was she just rationalizing, looking for an excuse to jump John's bones? Monica pondered these questions for the next three days, but no answers revealed themselves in her meditations. 

Audrey's words hung between them as John and Monica stood next to his truck, letting yet another moment pass. For an instant it looked as if John would make the first move, saving Monica from the responsibility. But he disappointed her again. This was her second chance, her opportunity to do things differently. And she made the same decision. 

Yes, she thought as she looked down on John's lovesick face. She was right to give John his space, to resist the urge to kiss him, to let him come to her when and if the time was right. And if he never did, it would still be right. It would be Zen. They would have another chance in another life. Nirvana with John was worth the wait, and Monica Reyes was nothing if not patient. 

**THE END**   
  


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